Omelan kosong

 Time: 7pm

Location: On the road area Aeon Bukit Raja, stuck in traffic jam

Hari ni dalam kereta while driving on the road and then stuck in the jam, suddenly this thought popped out in my head. Flashing back old memories 20 to 30 years back.

Masa aku kecik dulu aku selalu berangan, angan-angan kosong. Simpan impian what I'm going to be when I grow up. Dreaming in achieving something in my life. Berangan one day nak pergi luar negara untuk sambung belajar, riding a motorbike (motor besar), building my dream house, to be 'somebody', running my own business (kecik2 dulu selalu berangan nak buka cafe attach with bookstore), get married and build my own family.

Looking at my presence, at 38 years old and still single, no boyfriend membuatkan aku berfikir apa yang aku buat sekarang. I didn't achieve any of my dreams. Ni bahayanya bila kau seorang introvert, kau terlalu banyak berfikir and fikiran tu menjadikan kau penakut, no confidence and became risk avoidance. Well, sometimes bila aku tengok life updates of my friends in social media membuatkan aku envy (bukan dengki, aku proud dengan achievement kawan2 aku) dan berfikir kenapa aku tak jadi macam dorang. 

I am a kind of person yang just go with the flow, in fact not me yang plan my career development, but it's actually my boss plan my career development. Boss aku come out with her succession plan which is dia nak aku jadi pelapis dia after her retirement. Basically macam the apprentice. Her succession plan will take around 4-5 years la to realize. What a loser am I, a person that just follow the flow.

Ya, aku percaya pada rezeki. I always believe what ever I had in my life is all about rezeki. Something good happen, oh itu rezeki. If something bad happen, oh kena redha and sabar, rezeki kita setakat ini je. It is good, but not good enough. 

Kita ni just a human being, maybe kita dah rencanakan apa kita nak buat tapi kita takkan boleh anticipate what will happen in future kan. Contoh kehilangan abah begitu awal time ktorang semua tak ready, rebuild the spirit to continue living and to survive. Tak, luahan aku ni bukan tentang penyesalan apa yang terjadi sebab itu takdir yang kita kena terima. Cuma aku tengah muhasabah diri dengan apa yang aku buat sekarang. I am not young anymore. 

Okay tu je luahan perasaan aku pada hari ni. layankan je ya :)